Last couple of days I have been feeling bedraggled, for lack of a better word. I am not physically unwell. I could blame superficial things, but those aren’t really the problem. I think sometimes we all have days where, for no reason, we just feel down and exhausted.
So I have been trying to think what can I do to lift myself up. I never been one into massages or manicures. I have almost been taking too many naps lately. Somehow strawberries were the first word in my mind. And I’m like hmmmm…. Maybe buy some strawberries, angel food cake, and whip cream. Lately I have developed a great love for fountain pens. What I love most are the inks! I am sort of tired of writing quotes and working on my handwriting. This could backfire, but I want to try and make art. I completely suck at making art, and when I feel up for trying I am usually more stressed than before, but I feel like giving it a go!
Written later:
I am home now and the strawberries, waffles, and whip cream were lovely! I went with waffles instead of angel food cake. A Facebook friend wondered if there were any married couples on the Andy Griffith Show (while it was called that, not after it was renamed). That was a fun conversation and as best we know there were not. I no longer feel the need to potentially stress myself out trying art. Seemed like a good idea at the time. I am going to spend the rest of the evening watching the YouTube channel AlmazanKitchen. Outdoor ASMR cooking at its best!
Back in the 90s, I fell head over heels in love with the book Cowboys are my Weakness by Pam Houston. Stories of adventurous women whose lives were nothing like my own. Then I read the story A Blizzard Under a Blue Sky. Having suffered depression since grade school, I could relate, except I would happily choose pills over winter camping. Still, I was fascinated with the story and winter camping and it sounded oddly freeing. I would say you couldn’t pay me to go winter camping, but I dream about maybe winter camping in Newport State Park in Wisconsin some day.
I am a summer girl! I hate winter, I hate cold, I hate dark, I hate snow, I hate ice. Once years ago, when I lived on the East side of Milwaukee Wisconsin, I had a horrid headache. I didn’t have any headache pills and I was too broke to buy any. I tried taking a nap and that didn’t help any. That day was a sunny day in Milwaukee, below zero, arctic sea fog hanging over Lake Michigan. I didn’t know what else to do, I was miserable. I went for a walk. I figure I couldn’t be much more miserable than I already was. At first it seemed like a really bad idea. It was sun that affected me first, giving me a sense of peace. The cold gave me a sense of clarity. The arctic sea fog was strongly beautiful. I came home feeling refreshed and no headache!
There have been some recent changes at work that have been more stressful than usual. Then a week ago I had a bad bout of bad food poisoning that left me with a date with the toilet and a lost voice for several days. Yesterday I was feeling dark. I remember a social media I started on a platform called Ello. It never really caught on with my friends, but I chose the name @disappear and posted nature photos of longing. The kind of thing that gives me peace when I feel alone and distant and dark. Since no one really uses Ello, I decided to start that same concept on Instagram, @disappearintonothing.
This morning I was going to go to the gym to do a couple of miles on the treadmill and then go take some photos for my new Instagram account. Then I realized I can just go for a two mile walk, or almost two mile walk, at Lion’s Den Gorge in Ozaukee County Wisconsin. It was less than 10° outside. But it was sunny and no wind. It seemed like a good time to accomplish two tasks at once. But I ended up accomplishing a third task. My spirit felt lifted. I felt calm. I felt renewed.
A note about depression, it is different for everyone. A walk in the cold, eating right, exercising, yoga, meditation, and so forth, are not the answers for everyone. I am on anti depressants. Many do need pills and/or therapy.
I have been on Instagram for almost 11 years using @sunrain which is my personal Instagram account. I am sorry people have found negativity on Instagram. It has always been a place of peace for me. I follow photographers, artists, friends and other creatives. I have four other Instagram accounts.
@gas.stations – I don’t use this one much, but I find gas stations aesthetic.
@rainysaturdaycreative – the Instagram for this blog
@sunrainrunning – My health and fitness Instagram.
@disappearintonothing – photos I take that I feel invoke longing and/or peace. I am atheist, but still consider myself spiritual, and this is what spiritualness is for me.
Rainy Saturday Creative 